There is this thing going around Facebook right now:
Could at least one of my Facebook friends please copy and repost (not share)? I'm trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening.
#SuicideAwareness.
#SuicideAwareness.
I have been debating whether or not to repost said status, or to continue just clicking "like" as I scroll on. With these situations I like to consider what will have the most impact. This is Social Media after all and while I do not think that we have as much power through this avenue as we like to believe we do, I think at times we have more power than we aught to.
Suicide is no stranger to me. I have felt it's painful sting more than most and it doesn't let up even after the sixth and seventh times. I believe suicide awareness is insanely valuable, which is why I contribute my time, energy and money to sharing stories about suicide prevention. I also believe there are people who have no idea what it truly means to feel suicidal, or to have someone they are very close to in the midst of the disease of depression and suicidal thoughts--these are people who need the awareness to help them better understand what others are experiencing.
Below is a small part of my story, I hope it maybe helps at least one person in need:
When I was eleven I had not yet felt the cruel sting of death. I was fortunate to still have my grandparents living, even a great-grandma at the time. No one I knew had cancer, and I had an innocent veil over my eyes when it came to loss of a loved one. I will never forget the moment my parents told us we had lost our cousin, Charlie. We were close, our family is pretty close in general, but we had spent summers together and my brother and he were only five years apart. I have so many memories of us together, playing.
My mom and dad had tears in their eyes as they sat down in the living room, Bubby (my brother) and I were holding hands and sitting across from them. We both were sure it was our great-grandmother, she was almost 91 and it seemed like she'd had a good life. My mom couldn't breathe. I said "It's okay Momma, is it about Grandma Sweetie?" All she could do was shake her head. My dad had to hold her tight as she told us our beloved cousin, Charlie, had left us. I ran upstairs and grabbed Louis, the frog Charlie made me. I clung tightly to the only physical thing remaining to connect me to the person I had once thought of as an extended brother. He was gone. I would never see him again.
That didn't sink in for me for a very long time. I think anyone who has lost someone understands that feeling, loss.
When we returned from the funeral and our week with the family, my brother and I made a pact in the basement. We saw how devastating it was for our family to lose someone so young without any answers, and we promised we would never do that to each other. But we were only eleven and fifteen... we had no idea what the future was to hold.
I have lost eight people to suicide. Both my mother and brother have been suicidal more than once over the last 15 years. I, myself, considered it an option at one point when everything seemed hopeless. Suicide has no borders, it has no race, gender, or sexual orientation preference, suicide doesn't care how much money you make or who your parents are. Anyone anywhere you know could be suffering from depression, PTSD, terminal illness, or some other reason they feel life isn't worth carrying on. There are split second moments that change a persons life, or end it, forever.
The point of this blog is not to make you feel sorry for me. The point is to share that the moments you have with someone could be the last. While you can know the signs, and you can share the posts, and you can spread the awareness... you may never know. You may never be able to do anything to help someone. That is important to understand. If you lose someone to suicide it is not your fault. It is NOT YOUR FAULT.
If you are currently suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This world is scary, and sometimes very hurtful. Some days it seems the only answer is to leave. But it is not the answer. There are people who love you. There is a life ahead of you worth living. There are people you can contact (listed both at the beginning and end of this article) who can help you through this moment so you can live to see many many more beautiful moments. I LOVE YOU please know YOU HAVE VALUE here.
Another thing I would like to bring attention to is that every single day 22, that is TWENTY-TWO, soldiers and veterans take their lives. This is an epidemic. These people gave their freedom for something bigger than themselves. There is not enough help being offered, there is not enough counseling, and there are things we can not imagining happening that are causing these men and women to choose death over life. Many of them have tried to get help and have been met with wait lists. A good friend and cousinish of mine is one of the many we have lost. I miss him every day. Please do what you can to help support this cause, we need to support the lives of these soldiers before it is too late. <3 YOU ARE NOT ALONE EITHER.
My heart aches with the loss of my loved ones. I miss them every day. I wish so much I could bring them back. I can continue to share the story of what it is like to be a survivor of suicide loss, I can continue to love people and guide them to therapy and counseling when they seem open to it, I can continue to give articles and links and phone numbers. MOST IMPORTANTLY I can continue to be an ear to those in need, and I can be an example of life, good life, honest life.
To those I have lost: I love you and miss you. We all do. I hope you found your peace <3
To those still with me: I love you so very much. I think of you more than you probably know. I care so much for you <3 I am here.
**If you are feeling suicidal please contact: http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Call 1-800-273-8255 **
For more information on soldier suicide and 22 no more: https://www.facebook.com/thereal22nomore/
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