Surviving Suicide

**If you are feeling suicidal please contact: http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org  Call 1-800-273-8255 **  


There is this thing going around Facebook right now: 

Could at least one of my Facebook friends please copy and repost (not share)? I'm trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening.
#SuicideAwareness.

I have been debating whether or not to repost said status, or to continue just clicking "like" as I scroll on. With these situations I like to consider what will have the most impact. This is Social Media after all and while I do not think that we have as much power through this avenue as we like to believe we do, I think at times we have more power than we aught to. 

Suicide is no stranger to me. I have felt it's painful sting more than most and it doesn't let up even after the sixth and seventh times. I believe suicide awareness is insanely valuable, which is why I contribute my time, energy and money to sharing stories about suicide prevention.  I also believe there are people who have no idea what it truly means to feel suicidal, or to have someone they are very close to in the midst of the disease of depression and suicidal thoughts--these are people who need the awareness to help them better understand what others are experiencing. 

Below is a small part of my story, I hope it maybe helps at least one person in need: 

When I was eleven I had not yet felt the cruel sting of death. I was fortunate to still have my grandparents living, even a great-grandma at the time. No one I knew had cancer, and I had an innocent veil over my eyes when it came to loss of a loved one. I will never forget the moment my parents told us we had lost our cousin, Charlie. We were close, our family is pretty close in general, but we had spent summers together and my brother and he were only five years apart. I have so many memories of us together, playing. 

My mom and dad had tears in their eyes as they sat down in the living room, Bubby (my brother) and I were holding hands and sitting across from them. We both were sure it was our great-grandmother, she was almost 91 and it seemed like she'd had a good life. My mom couldn't breathe. I said "It's okay Momma, is it about Grandma Sweetie?" All she could do was shake her head. My dad had to hold her tight as she told us our beloved cousin, Charlie, had left us. I ran upstairs and grabbed Louis, the frog Charlie made me. I clung tightly to the only physical thing remaining to connect me to the person I had once thought of as an extended brother. He was gone. I would never see him again. 

That didn't sink in for me for a very long time. I think anyone who has lost someone understands that feeling, loss.

When we returned from the funeral and our week with the family, my brother and I made a pact in the basement. We saw how devastating it was for our family to lose someone so young without any answers, and we promised we would never do that to each other. But we were only eleven and fifteen... we had no idea what the future was to hold. 

I have lost eight people to suicide. Both my mother and brother have been suicidal more than once over the last 15 years. I, myself, considered it an option at one point when everything seemed hopeless. Suicide has no borders, it has no race, gender, or sexual orientation preference, suicide doesn't care how much money you make or who your parents are. Anyone anywhere you know could be suffering from depression, PTSD, terminal illness, or some other reason they feel life isn't worth carrying on. There are split second moments that change a persons life, or end it, forever. 

The point of this blog is not to make you feel sorry for me. The point is to share that the moments you have with someone could be the last. While you can know the signs, and you can share the posts, and you can spread the awareness... you may never know. You may never be able to do anything to help someone. That is important to understand. If you lose someone to suicide it is not your fault. It is NOT YOUR FAULT. 

If you are currently suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This world is scary, and sometimes very hurtful. Some days it seems the only answer is to leave. But it is not the answer. There are people who love you. There is a life ahead of you worth living. There are people you can contact (listed both at the beginning and end of this article) who can help you through this moment so you can live to see many many more beautiful moments. I LOVE YOU please know YOU HAVE VALUE here. 

Another thing I would like to bring attention to is that every single day 22, that is TWENTY-TWO, soldiers and veterans take their lives. This is an epidemic. These people gave their freedom for something bigger than themselves. There is not enough help being offered, there is not enough counseling, and there are things we can not imagining happening that are causing these men and women to choose death over life. Many of them have tried to get help and have been met with wait lists. A good friend and cousinish of mine is one of the many we have lost. I miss him every day. Please do what you can to help support this cause, we need to support the lives of these soldiers before it is too late. <3 YOU ARE NOT ALONE EITHER. 

My heart aches with the loss of my loved ones. I miss them every day. I wish so much I could bring them back. I can continue to share the story of what it is like to be a survivor of suicide loss, I can continue to love people and guide them to therapy and counseling when they seem open to it, I can continue to give articles and links and phone numbers. MOST IMPORTANTLY I can continue to be an ear to those in need, and I can be an example of life, good life, honest life. 

To those I have lost: I love you and miss you. We all do. I hope you found your peace <3 

To those still with me: I love you so very much. I think of you more than you probably know. I care so much for you <3 I am here. 

**If you are feeling suicidal please contact: http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Call 1-800-273-8255 ** 

For more information on soldier suicide and 22 no more:  https://www.facebook.com/thereal22nomore/

City Life vs Country Life -- A word on irony.

Growing up, my best friend Kathy and I lived in Aurora, a large suburb of Denver, Colorado. We lived down the block from each other and played every day. Kath and I were inseparable for most of the year except when she would leave every summer to go to a foreign world called "IOWA". To me that seemed so far away and absurd. Why would anyone want to spend 3 months of the year on a farm in a town of less than 1000 people? (Weirdos)

When I was 15 I moved to South Dakota and Kathy started breaking up her summer vacation by visiting me as well. One year we convinced our parents that I should go to Iowa too and we could spend a couple weeks there together then come back to South Dakota.

IT WAS BORING!

I mean, it was fun. We made a lot of memories and it was interesting seeing all of the things Kathy had been telling me about for the last 6 years of our friendship, but come on! There was NOTHING to do. You swing on a tree swing for a while, swim at the local county pool, walk from farm to farm into town to get a soda at the only bar, get the mail (woohoo). It was insane to me that she thought this could be enjoyable. There was no hustle and bustle, there was no excitement. It was SUPER quiet and although the storms were really cool, it left the town muggy and more gross than before. I was sure I would NEVER be caught dead in a place like IOWA!

Kathy on the other hand was the perfect yin to my yang. She felt at peace there. She loved the adventure of having a whole town stretched at her feet and not worrying about traffic or strangers. She thought the friendly way people waved with one finger (the pointer finger, seriously... get your brain out of the gutter!) and smiled at passersby was charming. Kathy LONGED to be in Iowa. When we would spend the night and talk about the future she always ended up in Iowa and I was in a flat in Downtown Denver living a highrise lifestyle! :)

Guess what?


We're 27, almost 28 now. I live within walking distance of Iowa, Nebraska and Minnesota in a TEENY town at the edge of nowhere... 300 people at best. A library that is only open once every other day for 2 hrs. Where our post office is only open 3 hrs every morning, and a PO BOX is required. When I am at home I can't hear cars hardly ever. People greet each other with one finger, and the nearest "city" is a whopping 75k people 20 minutes away.

Kathy lives in Denver.

I never thought I could be happy in this place, and I can't speak for Kathy's happiness as we are distanced at this point. What I can say is, I am so grateful I opened my heart to the possibility that I might be a little bit country. I still love the bustle of cities. I recently visited DC and all i needed was a metro card and a map and I was well on my way to bliss. The people there, and in Denver, think I am INSANE for praising my small town life.

What I can say is this: At any moment I can hop in the car or on a plane and get myself to a city. If I am craving the busy, bountiful, and bold blitz of city life, I am just a road trip away. However, when it comes to where I lay my head, and raise my family, I want my home to reflect me and the life I want. I get completion from the peaceful, reflective, quiet and welcoming bliss of my 1916 home in small town USA. To me it is anything but boring, and the irony is not lost on me.

Enjoy your home of choice today <3

So much joy and love out to you!

'Manda

Live for Today

This is going to be long--Please bear with all of the tangents.

 

If you want to get straight to THE NEWS Skip ahead to the segment called "THE NEWS"

 

I think it is important to know that sometimes something seems really hard to believe but you just have to go with it. Well you don't have to, but I do. 

 

Let me start with the theme of the year for 2015: "Live for Today." In the last 15 months I have known countless people who have passed away suddenly. They were not older people, they were all fairly young and seemingly in good health. There's really nothing that lights a fire in me quite like the evidence of mortality. 

 

Importantly, as it will come up again later in this post, many of these people were parents of my good friends. 

 

I want to live my life in a way that reflects the things I value most. For the last several years I have been going through the motions of progressing in my career and paying off debt and while these are important goals to work on, I was not living my life with the above intentions. What I value most is family, friendship, quality time and love.  

 

So this year I am living life with those values, and I am living for today. 

 

This seems to be a year of fairly major resolutions--not just the standards. I have many friends who are quitting social media in order to pursue more meaningful human interaction. I get that--it makes sense to me. It feels like the universal human consciousness is adjusting back to the importance of contact with others. This is something I can totally get behind. 

 

I am not quitting SM, though. I honestly never will because I have loved ones that span the globe and the magic of the internet allows me to feel a connection with them that would be difficult otherwise. 

 

 

TANGENT: Why I will never quit social media: 

 

Before social media my brother Jay (who lives in Kentucky) and I rarely interacted, we lost contact for a while even. Now we are close. We always know what the other is up to. We chat regularly. I have been able to become close with his wife. Even though we are separated by age and distance we can remain close. Without social media these things would not exist for us. I don't mean to say that in a bad way. I don't think it has anything to do with us not loving each other enough--It is just that SM is the perfect place for us to always remain in touch on the basic level. Then when we are lucky enough to be together in person, the awkward pauses and catching up don't exist any more. We can just jump right into having a good time and enjoying each others company. 

 

The second reason I will never quit SM is because I have COUNTLESS relationships with people online who I have never met in person. I am in the generation that really started setting this trend apart. There are people my age who struggle with this concept, but others younger than me who know no different. I understand that to some it is odd but to me many of these people are my best friends.

I like to say "the internet shrunk the world"  and as a person who values relationships (and has common sense) I can't ignore that there are people who I will connect with who just happen to be super far away. I love my online friends and I know they love me. That's all I need. 

 

Back to the show folks: 

 

SO... I am not quitting SM to bring myself closer to others. I am, however, making a drastic and somewhat shocking change based on the motto for 2015 (read: Live for Today.) 

 

Many of you know all I wanted for 12 years was to move back to Colorado (which we did about 68 days ago). Upon our arrival I was struck with a desire to make some forward progress. Ben and I sat down and started a vision board--something we love to do and I highly encourage others to try. We realized quickly that our hearts were ready for the next part of our lives to be focused on family, buying a home and starting our OWN family. There's not much that's more important to us at this time. 

 

About a week later he and I were shopping for Christmas and we stopped at a movie for a break. As we were sitting there I broke down in tears sobbing and said "I can't do this!" Ben obviously was perplexed so I explained: my heart has always felt torn between CO and SD and now it was clear to me--we had to return to SD. The reason: we want a family and I want my children to grow up with their grandparents. The closest I can get to their grandparents is Sioux Falls. 

 

We kept this whole revelation to ourselves. We planned on staying in Colorado for a while longer to enjoy our family and friends as well as fulfill our lease. Also we half-expected to return to SF and have our illusions of grandeur burst a bit. They did not. When we returned we felt like we were home. 

 

We started small, telling only our parents. Then we told some close friends. Quickly the excitement of telling people (and our inability to keep secrets) got the best of us and everyone in Sioux Falls knew. When people asked when we were going to return we usually said "Late summer or early fall" and that was the plan. We kind of felt unsure really of what would happen but we follow our hearts and just let things fall in to place. 

 

Then something happened: 

 

We went for a magical New Years walk with our good friends (the Hunters) in Valley Springs. We saw the house of our dreams--literally--for sale.

The realtor was available so we decided to look inside. Here's the link! It's twice as beautiful as the pictures suggest.

As we entered the home Ben said "Don't fall in love with this house. We're not moving back yet." So I spent my time just kinda gazing at things but trying hard not to fall in love. As we left I saw an unmistakable flicker in my dear husband's eyes "That's our house." 

 

So long story short: 

THE NEWS

We're moving back to SD
We're buying a house
We're doing it quickly. 

 

I am sure you are riddled with questions so let me satiate you with OUR FAQs: 

 

Wait, what?! Didn't you just move?!
 Yes. We did. We are moving again. 

 

What was so bad about Colorado?
 NOTHING!!! We LOVE Colorado! It will always be a second home to me and if I could have SD and CO squished together I would, but I can't.

 

But MANDA!!!! Colorado is all you have wanted for the last 12 years!!! Are you sure?
 Yes, I am sure. I firmly believe in following your heart. The problem was I left a HUGE chunk of mine back in CO and I could not retrieve it until I returned with that intention. I have gotten it back now and an essence of my heart will always be there. I am more whole because of this amazing adventure. I love Colorado--I love my family and friends in Colorado-- but I am a South Dakota girl now. I really feel like this is in the best interest for Ben and myself, and also for our family in the (not so distant) future. Thank you so much for your love and support. 

 

Are you pregnant?!
 No. 

 

Are you going to start a family soon?
 That's the idea. 

 

That's a SMALL town and it's outside of Sioux Falls Proper, are you sure?
 Yes we are sure. We can afford TWICE the house in Valley Springs as we could in Sioux falls. This allows us to have our dream house now without needing to compromise and sacrifice so much. We have a few friends in the area and we like the town--it's quaint. besides in 10-15 years you won't be able to tell where SF ends and VS begins. 

 

So do you regret moving/wish you hadn't moved to Colorado at all?
 ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Ben and I agree that the move to CO was 100% necessary!

Here are some reasons why: 

 

1. It taught us we don't mind driving 20 minutes just for groceries -- this will be important seeing as VS is 9 miles from the nearest grocer.
2.  As mentioned above there are certain life elements we would be missing (ie. a large chunk of my heart)
3. 10 years from now, if we hadn't moved, it is a very real possibility that I would be harboring resentments towards SD and even Ben (for making me stay.)
4.  We learned a HUGE lesson by observing my aunts and uncles with their grandchildren: Grandparents can NEVER be too close to their grand kids, but even 100 miles seems too far when they are apart.
5. No body needs 15 Wendy's in their town--that shit's absurd.
6.  If people really care they'll keep in touch, regardless of distance.
7. Loving the people you work with in a deep, tight-knit kind of way is a HUGE blessing and should be honored as such.

Back to the FAQ: 

 

Did you know you weren't going to stay when you moved to CO in the first place?
 Definitely not. in fact both of us expected to fall in love with CO and never look back. It was when we started visualizing our future that we started seeing the truth, as sad as it makes us to leave Colorado behind. 

 

Don't you have a lease? what's going to happen financially?!
We've got it covered. 

Your job lets you just move back and forth without any penalty!?
 Yep! I am super duper blessed to work with a flexible and understanding company that fully grasps the reality of being human on a basic level. They care about US not about where we are... I am really grateful for all they are doing to help us get to where we want to be.  I love my bosses in both locations and am really super lucky to have them willing to help me out with this. Ben works from home so--he works wherever we go anyway   

 

What did you mean by "Dream house--literally...?"
 Excellent question! this is the house of our dreams. This house matches the vision board we created to spec. It is what both of us have always wanted individually and together in a home. AND it is super affordable. Not to mention--I have literally had dreams OF this house. Crazy?--sue me. 

 

 

 

So that's it. A long drawn out and hopefully entertaining explanation of where we are currently. Were taking on our lives in 2015 with intention and starting strong by manifesting our dream house. Thank you for joining/supporting/and playing a significant role in our adventure! 

 

We love you all!!

 

I part now with the theme song of the year: It's Not Right for You --The Script

A Day of Writing with Manda (and Ben)

Today is a day off from my normal grind. Don't get me wrong, my grind is not normal, nor is it actually very grindy. It is just my typical work which is interpreting. My day today contains none of that and all of this. By "this" I mean writing.

Presently I am sitting at the local library writing at a small table with an adorable desk lamp facing my life partner Ben. (Click here to see his very own blog about writing and things.) He's kind of the champion of my own personal story. I may be the protagonist but I would just be the 'tagonist without his pro. He really helped me to see who I am, embrace it, and go forth into the world completely unabashed.

I digress.

Today we are writing, so I thought I would tell you what that looks like.

We went to a local coffee shop at first. I do love coffee shops. There is an air about them, maybe it is the smell of freshly-made coffee, maybe it is the sights and sounds of other people hard at work or visiting friends (or in some cases sales people trying a bit too hard to sell a pitch). Regardless of the reason, coffee shops make me pleased almost instantly. Today was not that day, though. We got there and it was all wrong. There was not a proper table with outlets to be sat at. There were people all around but they had the wrong aura (for lack of better and more scientific reasoning) and the baristas working were hardly friendly. Lastly, and somewhat most importantly, it was HOT. Yes CAPITAL H-O-T "hot" and that is not, by any means, an exaggeration.

Today in our lovely town it is a whopping 84* with a sexy 75% humidity which makes it hard for any regular person to remain dry of their own perspiration. It's downright gross outside. So we escape inside with hopes of something more reasonable and find, much to our chagrin, that inside is the same as outside. So we left.

We then were pulling out of the parking lot and looked into each others dreamy, albeit steamy-glassed, eyes and both said "How about a library?" in unison. The decision was made, and now you have an idea of why we are life partners, because we think on the same wavelength pretty much constantly (also he is VERY funny and the way to my heart is through laughter).

So now we sit in a library, and I am working on my novel and he is working on his... novel or blog or both? I am uncertain, because while we sit here across from one another, it is with headphones on and once in a while glancing up at the other to remind them that we do indeed feel their presence and love them fully, and then back to our own work. My headphones emit noises of "Film Scores" which is by far my favorite music to write to as it contains no words and is chock full of emotion. The current song is Magneto's theme from X-Men First Class which happens to be one of my all time favorite themes--but that's for another blog post.

So I bid you adieu on this fine Blog Monday. Having fully avoided my manuscript for the past 20 minutes while writing this out. I am hopeful that when I revisit my novel in progress, the knots I was dodging will have worked themselves out completely on their own. (Haha I can dream, can't I?)

Thanks for your readership, as always. I send this off with much love and adoration for you all.

Manda B. Mitchell
Singing off.

What's in an E-Friend?

Today I had my manuscript dangling over the fire, ready to watch it burn. I didn't want to sacrifice my idea or goals in anyway, on the contrary, I wanted to start over. I never intended to be an author, I wrote for my own enjoyment and for the people who may or may not read my blog. Without any formal training, I have no idea what I am doing as far as writing a first draft, or any draft, is concerned.

Sure it is easy to say, "Just write. Get it all out there. Vomit on the page." if you will, and "we will clean it up and make it pretty later." The perfectionist in me is not having it. I can't handle looking at the jumble bumble that I call a manuscript and imagine showing it to ANYONE at this point. Selling them on the idea is simple but the pile in front of me seems convoluted at best!

Back to the beginning: Today I had my manuscript over the fire, ready to watch it burn. BUT... before I did that I reached out to my trusty support network. When it comes to writing my support network is my husband Ben (always), my friend and author Ann Hunter, and my friend and editor/author/all things brilliant Ally Bishop.

I approached it as I usually do "HELP PLEASE!" followed by my need for support and love and affirmations. They all delivered brilliantly and I am pleased to say, my manuscript is not a pile of ash, but just a work in progress (imagine that).

This is a pretty big deal, right? The life or death of my current manuscript pretty much determines if I am or am not an author, and my ability to continue writing with confidence is very valuable to me as a writer. It could be assumed, then, that I would only entrust the closest of friends to help talk me off of this ledge, so to speak.

It may surprise you, then, that all three of these relationships were forged online. Not only that but two of the three of these friends and I have never met in person. 

I have 450ish friends on Facebook. Of those friends at least 20% I met and know online exclusively and of them I would consider at least 15 close friends. That is defined by me as: 
a person I would go to for personal or professional guidance, 
someone who's life I am interested in and who I often share the smallest victories with, 
a person who knows me as I am without pretense and who cares for my well being;
and a person who truly doesn't mind listening to me bitch (we all need an ear at times, am I right?)

It is all too often I am shocked by people's reaction to these statistics. I can't be the only person out there who is able to forge strong and meaningful relationships on the interwebs, can I? I fear that I might be.

Here are some Manda Facts (def: Not based on any actual fact with the exception of my own gut and heart) about friendship: 

1. Friendship can cross any of terrain, even oceans and deserts and mountains, anything.
2. Distance does not have to define friendship
3. Friends do not have to "know" each other IN REAL LIFE (I hate that phrase) to be friends, they just have to know each other.
4. To know one another, friends must be honest, loving, kind and open to communication. (just like in marriage)
5. You don't need me to define friendship for you, you get to define it for yourself!

And now 5 fun facts about my life WITH E-Friends: 

1. I am working on my first novel and believe that I can and will be published one day BECAUSE of E-Friends.
2. I know how to love myself as fully as I do now BECAUSE of E-Friends.
3. I met my lovely, amazing, awesome, and encouraging husband, Ben, online. When I was dating him I asked for encouragement from my E-Friends... I may have not even dated him if it weren't for them. 
4.  My healing process from my abusive relationship and through other points of grieving have been easier BECAUSE of E-Friends
5. Everyday I know I am loved, supported, and cherished because of E-Friends.

So go out there, make you some E-Friends... you never know where those amazing and deep and carefree relationships might lead!

Want to be my E-Friend? Find me on Twitter and shoot me an email mandabmitchell@gmail.com

Dear Caller-A Letter from a Video Interpreter

Dear Caller, 

I have known you since you first turned on your first video phone. I remember how excited you were to make a call to your mom using your hands, how baffled you were at the simplicity of filling your own prescriptions through the press of a button. I remember, with more joy, the first time you made a mobile call. It was awkward for us both as you tried to figure out the best position for your phone hand. Signing one handed never felt so strange, I am sure. I have to admit, I was polite the first time and didn't want to embarrass you, I saw more of your nose hairs than your hands. We figured it out though, didn't we? And now you make calls from the grocery store, mall, park, doctor's office, and sometimes to test my cardiac health you make VP calls from your moving vehicle. Nothing says equal access quite like mobile VP, in my opinion.

Caller, I remember when you got your pet. They were so sweet and cute. We called every single one of your family members to tell them all about it. You were so excited and held your pet up for every VI to see, with pride. I remember all the calls we made to the groomer and the vet. I remember thinking of you and your pet when I would see someone walking their dog or petting their cat in my everyday life. One of the hardest days of my job was the day I had to call and tell you your pet had died. I am so sorry that you received that news. I am so sorry that I am the one  who had to deliver it. But, at the same time, I am so glad you didn't have to hear it alone, and I am so very thankful that you let me in to even the most intimate and trying moments in your life. 

I remember the first time I saw the inside of your office instead of your home. Placing highly technical conference calls for you has always been a pleasure of mine. Many people in the interpreting community would argue that Video Interpreters don't see the same level of challenges as a community interpreter does, I beg to differ. Thank you for filling me in on all of the technical terms you would be using. Working together, as a team, really made the call so much more efficient for both of us. By the end I felt accomplished and proud that you had kept up with your peers because of our teamwork. Another perfect example of equal access and how VRS really helps you achieve that. 

Caller, I know that there are times when I am less than stellar. As a human I can't possibly be on my A-game all the time. I know you don't know that my husband just lost his job or that my relative just passed away. I know that it is not your fault that the previous five callers were irritated as well. I know that we all have good days and bad days and I am just grateful that you give me second chances and understand that I am here to provide the very best service I possibly can for you. You make my day, honestly. I love this job and I could not ask for anything more than to provide you excellent quality customer service for all of your calls. 

I could go on for days. I spend 36 hours of my week in a cubicle interpreting phone calls for you and other callers. Some are super happy calls, some are super sad. Some calls are the best experiences of my life and others are just another call. Some callers like to thank me for my work, and others prefer to just hang up. Every call is important. Every caller is important. I work for you. Thank you so much for helping me every day to be a better interpreter and, more importantly, a better person. 

With so much thanks and love, 
Manda-your VI 


This letter is to no one and everyone. I felt an urge today to write a thank you note to my callers because I get to be a part of their lives on even the most intimate of moments. I feel so blessed and grateful every day to have the opportunity I have to provide a service to the deaf and Hard of Hearing community. I am also so grateful that I was shown the path so early on. Being an interpreter is really so valuable to me.

Also, I am grateful to ZVRS for being the best employer I have ever had. To some people it may just be a job, but to me it is a family. I care so much about my colleagues and my consumers, both hearing and deaf.

Thanks for reading.

Much love,
Manda

I Live for Love-A Poem

I live in a world without boundaries. Anyone can communicate at the drop of a hat. There's no name or face to what we say, so we say what we want when we want to even when its intended to hurt another person. Due to anonymity we aren't held accountable for who we impact. 

I live in a country without respect for others. A place where our neighbors  cannot be our friend because of the color of their skin, for their shape or much worse their beliefs which differ from our own. In a country where promises mean nothing and we owe debts to everyone around us but are  unable to pay.

I live in a state stuck in the past. Never changing never growing always doing the same thing we've always done.

I live in a city that falls asleep at 6 p.m. Because that's the way it's always been so that's the way it always will be there's no reason we should change.

I live in a neighborhood full of houses that all look the same. The same families, the same car, the same dog, and children, the same houses.

I live in a house that is not unique, that does not represent who I am or where I have been.

But maybe...

I live in a house of my own which is more than most people can say. I have a roof, and I have food and I have walls keeping me safe.

I live in a neighborhood where people still wave and ask how your day was.  They'll give you a hug if they find out it was bad. Where they know the names of your children and watch out for them as if they were their own.

I live in a city that closes at 6 p.m. but continues to leave a fire in the hearth for a visitor who might come knocking, and is always welcome.

I live in a state that is stuck in the past but has a higher success rate than most other states and a lower unemployment rate than the rest of the country. Although we are a bit behind and shell shocked with change, we are trying our best to catch up.

I live in a country that tries to fight for freedom and to do what's best. With so many wonderful, wonderful people hopefully one day soon we can bring an end to hate.

I live in a world without boundaries. This means that we can help more people than we ever could before. It means we can lend a hand to anyone across the globe without batting an eye or traveling even a mile. We could help each other, we can love each other; and that's what this is about, love.

Any negative can be a positive. Hidden beneath our complaints and unhappiness lies gratitude and peace.

I am committed to gratitude. I am committed to ending the hate. I send out love to everyone I know, and everyone I don't know. I want to spread peace and love and happiness everywhere I go, regardless of race, or color, or religion, or belief, or country, or gender, or sex. None of those things matter, you're human I love you.

Love is the most powerful tool we have. If we can just love one another, we can make it through anything.

Manda 10/20/13